Too Much? I Think Not!
In recent months I have heard from multiple clients that they have been repeatedly told by friends, family, and co-workers that they are “too much” or “a lot.” They are too emotional, too sensitive, too intense. Firstly, WTF? Who says that? This news always pains me. Unfortunately, I can relate to what it feels like to be told you’re too much.
It is interesting to me that some people in the yoga community who have never met me have expressed opinions about me being too intense and that they’ve heard I am intimidating. It’s also interesting to me that this information is always relayed to me through third parties. Don’t worry, I am a big girl and not afraid of what other people think of me. I know that what people say about me is none of my business and I am also aware that if I am not ruffling some feathers I am not likely doing anything of consequence in the world. That being said, as a leader I choose to be open to feedback. If these kinds of comments were coming to me from people who had first-hand experience with me, I might consider it feedback and check in to see that I am still aligned with my highest intentions. But third-party assumptions are just that; assumptions. I pay them no heed. In fact, I know that what people say about me has more to do with their own insecurities than it does with who I am being. Just because someone is intimidated doesn’t make me intimidating. When we choose to shine, to play big, to cause change, there will be some who react from smallness, some who throw stones, and some who whisper in the background. I get it and I have compassion. At times in the past, I’ve been that person too. Here’s the thing, unlike me, most people take it to heart. Most people get shut down when others diminish them for their bigness.
Let’s do a reality check here; how often do you make assumptions about others? They are bossy, shy, snobby, overbearing, lazy, or intimidating? I bet if you were honest you would have to admit it’s a lot of the time. We are constantly comparing, labeling, seeing how we measure up in relation to others. Have you ever talked about someone in terms of being too intense, too emotional, too anything? Defending your own way of operating as “right”? Perhaps you’ve been on the other end of these kinds of comments. They can hurt. And, know this; our judgment reveals more about our own insecurities than anything. It actually has very little to do with the target of our assessments.
When someone puts themselves out there and asks for what they want why do we cringe? When someone says “that’s not okay with me” or “that really hurt me,” why are they too sensitive, too emotional? When someone stands for something they believe in passionately why are they a bitch or a bully?
Maybe it’s because living in full expression scares people. It reminds us of all the places we are playing small in our own lives. We have been taught to be polite, respectful, don’t brag, don’t outshine someone, pay attention, don’t make a spectacle of yourself, don’t make a scene. We have been taught that suppression is a worthy goal. Unfortunately, we’ve got it wrong. What you suppress becomes poisonous.
If you walk around expecting everyone to meet your needs and to know what you want without expressing your desires you set yourself up for disaster. Suppression, though maybe polite, is dangerous. When you don’t express your needs, wants, and desires and the people in your life fail to produce a crystal ball and act on your invisible instruction manual, the only thing left to do is for you to resent them for not showing up the way you wish they would. That resentment then turns to rejection which looks a whole lot like judgment.
So what am I saying here? Well, when we judge others it’s ever and always about us.
Yep, it’s all you.
You aren’t alone, and you aren’t a bad human being for judging. We all do it. The work is to awaken to when we are doing it and to ask ourselves what we are afraid of? Check-in with what’s really going on. All people are just a mirror for us; an opportunity to know ourselves more intimately. If you don’t like what you see being reflected back at you, it may be time to look inward.
For all the beauties out there who are sensitive, emotional, passionate, persistent, tenacious, fierce, and standing for something, I SEE YOU. You are never too big, too much, too anything. Be all of who you are unapologetically because it lights the way for others to shed their own repressed behaviour and to step into creativity, courage, and authenticity.
If we are all playing it safe who will change the world?
If you’ve been in judgment of others be compassionate with yourself, you are only human after all, but there’s an opportunity to do the work here. Your judgment keeps you small and likely unfulfilled AND may have the impact of shutting down someone who has just the medicine that the world needs right now. Who are we to say?
People who know me know that I am soft-hearted, passionate about helping others, and loving to a fault. I am a natural nurturer and I happen to be courageous with the manner in which I live. I know who I am.
Get clear on who you are. Share yourself fully. Don’t worry about what others say or think. You just go shine!
With love and gratitude to all the BIG ones!